Bro leaving tonight for london.
Wonder if he is prepared.
Shouldn't have to worry too much since this won't be his first time going overseas to study.
Reminded me of the first time he left for another country.
He was just 16 then.
But he already seemed so old.

I remembered that my parents were away in Korea at the time so only me, my youngest brother, and a cousin who drove us there, sent him off at changi airport. My mom chose delibrately to leave the country so that she wont have to send him, her first son, off to a foreign land for the few years. At that time i thought she was being cruel to him. But perhaps she was only trying to be kind to both of them. My brother and mother shares a certain bond that makes us, the rest of the children, "accuse" her of favouritism. Far from being jealous, i think it has become a joke, a piece of family fact that we dust off once in a while to embarrass them both for a laugh. I would imagine now that if she had been there, 8 years ago, to send him off, it would have been torturing for her and him as well. Silly old me was crying my eye balls out that night and even my younger bro looked teary. This time round it would just be me, the solo farewell committee since the rest of the family is all over the world. To think about it, 8 years ago was the start of our family venturing out, so much so that we are seldom at home in Singapore together save chinese new year. But i don't think any of us actually feel like we have grown apart during these times, instead i think we have grown more understanding, closer and started treating each other better. For example, relationship with your "at times overbearing mother" must improve if she has lesser chance of nagging at you right? Well, it worked and with moderm communication system, china or australia or london is only a phonecall away.

Now that bro is leaving,
it would be just me and my maid at home.
For a time, it was me, my grandma and my maid.
The house will seem empty.
But it is just something new to get used to.

I remembered writing a long encouraging letter to my brother just before he left 8 years ago. I remembered him lingering around behind the check in counter, waving to us across the glass panels. I imagined that his eyes were red. How frightening it must be for a 16 year old. No matter how old he seemed. And now, my friends are amazed at how callous we treat sending off a family member. We customarily toss each other out of the car infront of the terminal before saying goodbye and driving off. Yes, even my youngest brother. We took turns to be tossed, proceeded to the check in counter and setting off in our journeys. It is like taking a bus. Like london is pasir ris. Like china is tuas. But this is our family, lenghty farewells where all the extended families gather is alien and uncomfortable. I am the one amazed that for some friends, despite leaving year after year for studies, everyone still turned up for a big send-off. Guess our family are the ones standing on the other side of the glass panels.

I wondered if bro has packed everything he needed.
Mom called to remind me to pack his rice cooker.
Prepare his fried ikan bilis.
Bro reminded me for the umpteen time to give him a copy of my bank acc/no.
Had a minor tassle with bro about the number of shirts he is bringing.
He has enough for a month without needing to do his laundry.
"That's the point!"

Well, everything sounds familiar yet how strange that i am feeling this way, nostalgic and whimsical, despite the years of detachment regarding travelling. We are never scared to venture forward, to a new place. But it would be sad if the excitement dies and all you feel is detached. I think i am glad my family is on the other side of the glass panel. To view flying away as a form of opportunities and strangely, as a form of long journey going home, because eventually we all will. Back to point zero. It might not be frequent but it sure means a hell lot when it happens.

So, till we meet again bro, take care and have fun.